an idle mind.. is the devils playground..

''ahhh.... I am speechless... truly I am.. i have lost count with the times you have put me in situations like this.. I'm being played aren't I..''

i recently stumbled across a piece of material that has left me flabbergasted.. Is it my fate to be like this... the many strings u have tied me with... complicated as it is yet you can connect all of them together with such ease.. i dont understand... you left me in a place.. gave me 'toys'.. and guidance.. and yet you take them away.. i'm confused.. this is turning out to be a rather disturbing plot in a movie eh? how long can you put me through this... i pray...

i know now.. i have no ''obligations'' left.. I lay here without motive.. I lay here weak... without hope that they may listen.. or even care.. I am battered.. the days gone by.. i've not realised how much more clearer things have become... thinking back on times you have intervened.. I laugh... yet again... you put 'oppurtunity' right infront of me.. tempting me every second.. I think about what it is you might actually want to tell me.. is there a message?.. I took it.. and how it blew up in my face.. now the present.. i stand out around the vicinity.. watching every move.. and i see how YOU paint your masterpiece with what I could have been..

but i'm forever grateful.. a blessing i have now... non shall take away..


and now I sit here.. thinking of words to type... the thoughts that run through my mind are making me feel sick..