Hmm.. i think i have been absent long enough to ensure.. that my posts arent being read for awhile.. i guess.. if anyone reads this.. it would be after a month? haha..


''joy.. sorrow.. despair.. hate.. anger... love.. happiness.. a huge part of me died that day..i shall no longer trust myself.., '' -mind-


well.. i have cease( did i say this right?haha) to exist in the digital matrix n what-not of the blog world now adays.. anyone can see that.. to those who have linked me.. now isnt that great.. i've been keeping a secret... one for so long.. and i sit there looking at everyone who thinks ____ much.. fill that blank for me.. whatever u want.. ^^ for anything i say further.. all i do is spit.. then again.. since i will express my feelings here.. i wont intend to go on with all that 'i dont care what u think just leave if u dunt wanna read' rubbish so.. the guy I am several years ago n now.. indeed has not changed.. i have no reason to lie.. before anyone says .. ''hey asshole.. u did change..'' think about it.. u only look at me in a different way now..


some of my pschology friends have clarified with me enough.. and i dare say now.. that i no longer need to worry even more for those who have contrasting opinions.. sighs.. well... lets move to the expression of the night..


its been what? 9 months into 2007.. i've awaken finaly.. after being dumb-i-fied.. haha.. never accured to me that i would let my guard down again.. its hilarious when i think about it.. what a fool i was.. i guess everything my 'friends' said was true.. i lost control.. i know doing the right things were the great thing to do.. somehow.. right things never do seem right do they.. like.. how i used to say.. its funny how 'HE' likes to play with our fates.. sometimes.. u dont always have to think that it happened because it was meant to be.. there is always a reason to everything.. in fact there is always 2 sides to everything.. we do have to evaluate this from different perspectives just to know.. one single detail.. the real reason for doing the 'right' thing.. i blame myself.. i blame me..


i do hope people understand what i'm trying to say haha..


that was point number 1.. number 2... the usual.. complaints on my peers... i dont wanna pollute the cyber world further with your names.. so i shall just tell my own thoughts about 'it'..
i come to realize.. some people that have been close to u.. can even be just another 'one'.. another useless dissapointment filled with empty promises and lost hope.. yet again.. i have to let one go of the 'think highly list' now there is a handful left of these people..


even the new people i meet.. i can entrust them with the secrecy i have then to those i have known for decades... it makes me tear to just know this f**ked world is filled with delinquants.. those who cant even follow a simple rule to not abide the sins.. tsktsk..


for one day.. dont u wish u could just let it all out.. and think.. no ones looking? ahh.. dreams..


funny.. just the words of an individual can cause 'havoc' .. sumtimes i really wish i do owned a rifle to blow these people of this wretched( must really start learning spelling again hmm) land.. ah.. but anger does do this to u.. to act without the benefit of intelect.. our minds do play games with our hearts.. that would eventually lead us to doin things we think is right.. only to end up looking like a fool.. i guess.. my conquest is still on... to find more people.. i can put on my hopefuls list.. goodluck to me eh? haha